And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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