her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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