Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have feelings that need drinking.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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