Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
