Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
