There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
