Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
