Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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