Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
