your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
