youre lurking in front of me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
