I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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