So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
