Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
