I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
