Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
