You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
