you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
