It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
