I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
