He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
