I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
