i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
