had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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