my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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