Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
