Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
