I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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