I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
