some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
