you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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