you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
