I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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