im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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