I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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