Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
