OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
