I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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