you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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