Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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