I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
