We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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