I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
