I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
