I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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