Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone signed my nipple.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
