omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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