Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
