I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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