I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
