I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
